Writing at this moment is quiet a challenge, but one that I feel worthy of. Treasure island taxidermists. Lisping pill poppers. Calamity Jane tied up in a boatswain's. Living life thereafter, given a prospectors promise. Lick the lollipop, like a lightsaber. Trade now for forever. Grain of salt, give it another whirl. You've got more in you, that I'm sure of. Blood soaked blues, and I'm doin' it all over again. But why does he have to talk about blood? Cause his liver is yella, that's why for.
I congregate the madmen for a blindman's purpose. I give lottery tickets to the rich. I write "BourBon" on every street sign I molest. Let me give you my third eye, you conservative white guy. Let me dig a hole for your soul you intrinsic "I know".
Which way to Prosperville, which way to the next Advil? Give me something I can talk about.
Good Lord, we really are something else.
3.20.2012
From Beginnings to Now (part6)
High school was hell. Drugs gave my unaffirmed self validation through opening doors to consciousness that were previously inaccessible. But, I was growing more unfulfilled and unhappy with an unstable family life and no ability to achieve the things I was "supposed" to achieve.
I started working at Pizza Hut at the age of 16. Walking home after close became a delicacy. The solitude outside of the buzz of the goings on of the people that lived in Bear Creek turned out to be sweet solace. I began spending a lot of time walking the neighborhood, barefoot and in love. I had never heard my own thoughts. So distracted by everything going on around me. So concerned about the people around me, I never knew how to relax and be alone. This moment was an enlightenment of sorts. I found that I had acquisition to my consciousness. I began thinking and thinking and thinking, for the first time in my life. Ideas, ideological structures formed, acknowledgement of social behavioral heurists were apparent to me. I was on fire.
I was so emotionally torn, though. I didn't know how to be a good friend, and didn't feel that my friendships were positive. I decided it was time to take a break from my friends, whom I did love. This decision was solid. Things began to happen to me. As I cut myself off my inner silence grew. Life began to implement imposition on me.
One day my sister gave me a book that our Aunt had sent her, The Celestine Prophecy. I read it in one night and literally ran through the streets with my hands raised to the heavens with the words "Eureka!" spouting from my lips. I've always been crazy, there's no question, and even in that moment I knew it was terribly cliche, but I was so overwhelmed with affirmation that I did not care.
I started working at Pizza Hut at the age of 16. Walking home after close became a delicacy. The solitude outside of the buzz of the goings on of the people that lived in Bear Creek turned out to be sweet solace. I began spending a lot of time walking the neighborhood, barefoot and in love. I had never heard my own thoughts. So distracted by everything going on around me. So concerned about the people around me, I never knew how to relax and be alone. This moment was an enlightenment of sorts. I found that I had acquisition to my consciousness. I began thinking and thinking and thinking, for the first time in my life. Ideas, ideological structures formed, acknowledgement of social behavioral heurists were apparent to me. I was on fire.
I was so emotionally torn, though. I didn't know how to be a good friend, and didn't feel that my friendships were positive. I decided it was time to take a break from my friends, whom I did love. This decision was solid. Things began to happen to me. As I cut myself off my inner silence grew. Life began to implement imposition on me.
One day my sister gave me a book that our Aunt had sent her, The Celestine Prophecy. I read it in one night and literally ran through the streets with my hands raised to the heavens with the words "Eureka!" spouting from my lips. I've always been crazy, there's no question, and even in that moment I knew it was terribly cliche, but I was so overwhelmed with affirmation that I did not care.
From Beginnings to Now (part5)
Finding that relationship was the cornerstone of everything that I have consciously and willfully "done" in this life. That relationship felt the same as the relationships that I felt on a daily basis. Connected.
From that point on I knew that there was no enemy outside of my skin. Deep down I knew that I had no "need" for someone else. Of course, I am human. My emotional and impulsive responses that once dominated my existence have been slowly and intricately mastered. I'm not finished, but my movement forward is a snowball rolling.
From that point on I knew that there was no enemy outside of my skin. Deep down I knew that I had no "need" for someone else. Of course, I am human. My emotional and impulsive responses that once dominated my existence have been slowly and intricately mastered. I'm not finished, but my movement forward is a snowball rolling.
2.27.2012
From Beginnings to Now (part4)
So, this story is about how I found the woman of my dreams and essentially how my dreams have been realized.
Having long searched for meaning in literature and educational systems outside of school including religion and culture, I began questioning things like sin. What is it? People came up with this term, what aspect of us does it pin down? I began questioning Christianity, primarily because most of my friends who invited me to church were Christian. Who was Christ and why was he sooo freaking important to so many people?
One day in church with a friend of mine the pastor stated, "Now, if any of you want to reconfirm Christ in your life, or if this is your first time letting Christ in to your heart come up to the stage." I put my head down and questioned intently, "Let Christ in to your heart? How?" Then I felt it. That relationship I had been yearning for. A connection to a whole human being, disembodied or not. Here it is.
I was also filled with what they call the Holy Spirit. On fire, I walked up to the stage and confirmed that I had Christ.
Having long searched for meaning in literature and educational systems outside of school including religion and culture, I began questioning things like sin. What is it? People came up with this term, what aspect of us does it pin down? I began questioning Christianity, primarily because most of my friends who invited me to church were Christian. Who was Christ and why was he sooo freaking important to so many people?
One day in church with a friend of mine the pastor stated, "Now, if any of you want to reconfirm Christ in your life, or if this is your first time letting Christ in to your heart come up to the stage." I put my head down and questioned intently, "Let Christ in to your heart? How?" Then I felt it. That relationship I had been yearning for. A connection to a whole human being, disembodied or not. Here it is.
I was also filled with what they call the Holy Spirit. On fire, I walked up to the stage and confirmed that I had Christ.
2.22.2012
From Beginnings to Now (part3)
Jr High.
Gifted and Talented with a D average. I began to be aware of my sensitivity. A shadow, I avoided attention at all costs, I watched. One day I realized that I knew almost every kid in the school by first name. Upon this realization for several days I tested my thought. Adam, Chris, Jennifer, it was true. I knew what was going on. I couldn't understand how to be a part of it, though.
I began yearning for a presence. A whole person. Someone whom I could feel their presence. Their unconditional love, unadulterated by emotional hang-ups. I had met no person that fit that description at that point in my life, but I knew it was available. But where?
Gifted and Talented with a D average. I began to be aware of my sensitivity. A shadow, I avoided attention at all costs, I watched. One day I realized that I knew almost every kid in the school by first name. Upon this realization for several days I tested my thought. Adam, Chris, Jennifer, it was true. I knew what was going on. I couldn't understand how to be a part of it, though.
I began yearning for a presence. A whole person. Someone whom I could feel their presence. Their unconditional love, unadulterated by emotional hang-ups. I had met no person that fit that description at that point in my life, but I knew it was available. But where?
2.20.2012
From Beginnings to Now (part2)
Grandma Hardy, my mother's mother, was an interesting woman. I would spend summers in Rockport with my sister. Grandma would catch butterflies with us, and always had freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and popsicles ready for us when we arrived late Friday nights.
She would play games with us, and study with us to prepare us for our next school period.
Grandma was a member of the Ancient Astronaut Society. She had two bookshelves full of mysterious works. These were the first books that I found on my own. I was enthralled by unsolved mysteries, the paranormal, ancient knowledge, and human feats that defied science. I started reading these around the age of 7 or 8. I couldn't get enough.
I started meditating around that time, or at least trying to emulate what I read. I didn't fully understand meditation until I was in my teens.
It was at my grandmother's house that we recieved a phone call one night around 8pm.
Grandma answered the phone, "Oh no! Oh my God." Crying.
My sister looked worried, she was 4, "What do you think happened?"
"Maybe Dad died."
She looked really worried, "I'm just kidding. I'm sure he didn't die."
The next morning my mom, who had been in Houston, woke us up with a weird smile.
"What?!" She couldn't shake that weird smile. She didn't want to tell me. "What is it?" My father had died.
That was when my anger really began. That day, I was so angry. I felt like I was expected to act a certain way, or feel a certain way. I felt so much resentment toward my mom. I still don't understand why, completely.
She would play games with us, and study with us to prepare us for our next school period.
Grandma was a member of the Ancient Astronaut Society. She had two bookshelves full of mysterious works. These were the first books that I found on my own. I was enthralled by unsolved mysteries, the paranormal, ancient knowledge, and human feats that defied science. I started reading these around the age of 7 or 8. I couldn't get enough.
I started meditating around that time, or at least trying to emulate what I read. I didn't fully understand meditation until I was in my teens.
It was at my grandmother's house that we recieved a phone call one night around 8pm.
Grandma answered the phone, "Oh no! Oh my God." Crying.
My sister looked worried, she was 4, "What do you think happened?"
"Maybe Dad died."
She looked really worried, "I'm just kidding. I'm sure he didn't die."
The next morning my mom, who had been in Houston, woke us up with a weird smile.
"What?!" She couldn't shake that weird smile. She didn't want to tell me. "What is it?" My father had died.
That was when my anger really began. That day, I was so angry. I felt like I was expected to act a certain way, or feel a certain way. I felt so much resentment toward my mom. I still don't understand why, completely.
2.19.2012
From Beginnings to Now (the story of how i found the woman of my dreams. part1)
I remember being called in to my counselor's room.
I was in the fourth grade for the second time.
Ms. Hartzog, my teacher, was a true tyrant,
vehement and condescending.
"If you could have things any way you wanted, how would they be?"
It seemed like a loaded question, so I responded, "I just wish everyone could get along. I wish everyone could talk with each other and understand each other."
(my allusions don't go unwarranted)
"What do you mean?" She genuinely didn't understand.
"I see people like my teacher and the people of different colors having trouble talking."
Of course, this is all paraphrased. It's to the best of my recollection, but It is my first memory of acknowledging my life's passion.
From the time that I began reading on my own I have been in search of truth. I was never able to believe in people's shared lies about reality. I can't explain why I'm wired this way, but I am. This gift has pointed me in the direction of what it means to be truly human.
I was in the fourth grade for the second time.
Ms. Hartzog, my teacher, was a true tyrant,
vehement and condescending.
"If you could have things any way you wanted, how would they be?"
It seemed like a loaded question, so I responded, "I just wish everyone could get along. I wish everyone could talk with each other and understand each other."
(my allusions don't go unwarranted)
"What do you mean?" She genuinely didn't understand.
"I see people like my teacher and the people of different colors having trouble talking."
Of course, this is all paraphrased. It's to the best of my recollection, but It is my first memory of acknowledging my life's passion.
From the time that I began reading on my own I have been in search of truth. I was never able to believe in people's shared lies about reality. I can't explain why I'm wired this way, but I am. This gift has pointed me in the direction of what it means to be truly human.
2.06.2012
2.04.2012
the fount
A logical seed. The purpose. The point. What motive drives the expressed form.
My poetry, when flowing in its most pure form follows the thread of pure intent. Rarely in my life I have experienced pure form through my work.
Over the past several weeks I've found the desire to produce poetic art, again. With that desire my urge to write has been rekindled. More than the urge to write; the urge to research.
As I sit here, I wonder; what should I begin to research? Follow my thought process: It doesn't matter what I research, I need to focus on clarity and simplicity. I must embrace the purity of this moment unrestrained by doubt, complicated by thought. The path of least resistance is so simple it takes place before my cognition. The truth of the moment is fleeting and only obscured by the brain's circuitry.
My poetry, when flowing in its most pure form follows the thread of pure intent. Rarely in my life I have experienced pure form through my work.
Over the past several weeks I've found the desire to produce poetic art, again. With that desire my urge to write has been rekindled. More than the urge to write; the urge to research.
As I sit here, I wonder; what should I begin to research? Follow my thought process: It doesn't matter what I research, I need to focus on clarity and simplicity. I must embrace the purity of this moment unrestrained by doubt, complicated by thought. The path of least resistance is so simple it takes place before my cognition. The truth of the moment is fleeting and only obscured by the brain's circuitry.
11.13.2010
Carpe diem
I'm having trouble typing due to a finger splint, on top of the feeling that I don't care to explore this blog anymore. It has served its purpose.
I began this blog with the same intent that I do the great majority of "things" in my life; as a means to climb closer to my life dreams/goals.
I began this blog as an exercise in communication. With the intention that I would achieve several fairly abstract (at the time) goals. I believed that I would increase my ability to communicate through a medium such as this, and in the process build my comprehension of my great vision.
I have moved on to the next leg of my journey. I am very happy.
I began this blog with the same intent that I do the great majority of "things" in my life; as a means to climb closer to my life dreams/goals.
I began this blog as an exercise in communication. With the intention that I would achieve several fairly abstract (at the time) goals. I believed that I would increase my ability to communicate through a medium such as this, and in the process build my comprehension of my great vision.
I have moved on to the next leg of my journey. I am very happy.
10.11.2010
Exhale
Filled with warmth for the first time in (how long?), I can't remember.
Anger and disgust are falling off to be replaced with what I had been hoping for; love recalled.
The feeling I had when with her has been coming back to me over the past two days. Dreams of her have kept me warm over the past two nights.
I feel no sorrow that I may never physically be with the one I love again. The phantoms that come to me in those spaces between will be enough to sate my yearning soul, if need be, through eternity.
The dreams over the past two nights, then the coin handed to me at the gas station today. The Nicaraguan coin, posing as a quarter, that caught my eye.
Anger and disgust are falling off to be replaced with what I had been hoping for; love recalled.
The feeling I had when with her has been coming back to me over the past two days. Dreams of her have kept me warm over the past two nights.
I feel no sorrow that I may never physically be with the one I love again. The phantoms that come to me in those spaces between will be enough to sate my yearning soul, if need be, through eternity.
The dreams over the past two nights, then the coin handed to me at the gas station today. The Nicaraguan coin, posing as a quarter, that caught my eye.
9.19.2010
This dryed up, useless thing
Pity for pity's sake.
And of sake, I dream (that's right, rice wine).
"What now?", I question.
Daily affirmations of a life long lack of direction.
My uncle's coming to meet with me.
I bubble with excitement at the prospect of an adversary.
unfortunately, I realize, he is very likely inadequate.
No longer does suicide tempt me.
A new leaf?
Possibly; there was a point in the recent past that gave me the insight that James needs me.
-of that; I'm unaware.
I'm hollow. Empty.
Hatred and contempt for the one I loved fills my time.
And of sake, I dream (that's right, rice wine).
"What now?", I question.
Daily affirmations of a life long lack of direction.
My uncle's coming to meet with me.
I bubble with excitement at the prospect of an adversary.
unfortunately, I realize, he is very likely inadequate.
No longer does suicide tempt me.
A new leaf?
Possibly; there was a point in the recent past that gave me the insight that James needs me.
-of that; I'm unaware.
I'm hollow. Empty.
Hatred and contempt for the one I loved fills my time.
8.09.2010
Meet me at the Crossroads
So, I'm at a tremendously significant crossroads in my life. I'm on the cusp of dishonesty, and I ride it like a black stallion. I feel like the longer the game is played the greater the consequence. Looking at this situation in a positive light: I could say that great consequence :: great change, which I believe is a truth.
I have moved so greatly in the past year I'm nearing a state of fearlessness. Only several more, nonanticipated, events stand between me and sheer freedom. I'm happy and somewhat reservedly excited.
I have moved so greatly in the past year I'm nearing a state of fearlessness. Only several more, nonanticipated, events stand between me and sheer freedom. I'm happy and somewhat reservedly excited.
6.28.2010
ADHD is a choice..?
I remember my first homework assignment. I was sitting at the kitchen bar with my mom. The worksheet was a ferris wheel with math problems in the seats. I remember my confusion at the idea that I had to do this stuff at home. I didn't understand, and/or accept this. I remember looking out the living room door and seeing the mountain that loomed over our house in Camareo, CA. I was in Kindergarten. Throughout my life I've recognized that my aversion to "what I'm supposed to do," is my choice. Throughout my life seeing the people around me suffer has angered me. Living in this society is an exercise in self-doubt and personal suffering. Negligence of personal experience, and feelings.
These thoughts were triggered by a conversation that I had with my mother yesterday. "When I was growing up we did what we were supposed to. Those were the happiest days of my life." She came from socialite parents that embraced Christian Science for the sake of being social. She has always struck me as very naive about the reality of our world situation. Obviously, it's hard for people to deny that our planet is changing quickly, but the idea that the status quo that's deteriorating was good and happy trees, and cotton candy clouds isn't deteriorating quickly enough.
My purpose for being obstinant throughout my life is standing in defiance of my parent's status quo. Working on the psych ward i recognized how powerful the parent's influence is over behavior and, in essence, reality. I want to stop the cycle of maladaptive behavior and personal negligence.
These thoughts were triggered by a conversation that I had with my mother yesterday. "When I was growing up we did what we were supposed to. Those were the happiest days of my life." She came from socialite parents that embraced Christian Science for the sake of being social. She has always struck me as very naive about the reality of our world situation. Obviously, it's hard for people to deny that our planet is changing quickly, but the idea that the status quo that's deteriorating was good and happy trees, and cotton candy clouds isn't deteriorating quickly enough.
My purpose for being obstinant throughout my life is standing in defiance of my parent's status quo. Working on the psych ward i recognized how powerful the parent's influence is over behavior and, in essence, reality. I want to stop the cycle of maladaptive behavior and personal negligence.
Clarification of "My being"
I am only a result of circumcstance, as we all are. This world is going through rapid change at this time. Mankind is changing in response. I am an expression of that change, as are many like me. My words, intent, purpose and work are synonymous only with the present time. My individuality holds no weight without the totality of this moment. So, basically I'm asserting that "I" am nothing special. My ideas and claims aren't my own. The changes and revolution that I hint at are not my own. I'm only a voice.
6.24.2010
Finding Jesus
How is it that so many people "find Jesus"? What does it mean to "find Jesus"? I've asked many people who believe in Jesus what it was like when they found Jesus and the answers are pretty varied. The stories of the bible that depict "Jesus" express a man that above all died for the absolution of our sins. To accomplish this he allowed himself to be martyred. He forsook the act of doubting himself under the premise that He was the son of God. By what means did he believe that he was the son of God? The answer to this question is addressed throughout the bible.
I make these assertions for the purpose of setting the foreground for the explanation of my being. The phenomenon "finding Jesus" is a fact that people throughout the world would die for at this instant. Regardless of whether or not "Jesus," or any of the stories of the Bible have any historic truth, the design of the Jesus stories has the contingencies to lead humanity to salvation. The design allows for the absolution of sin, or as I see it doubt. As children we are born into this world as Jesus was. Free. Our parents, and the people that surround us comprise a system of action whose legacy fills our history. This is a history of personal doubt.
The "Jesus Theorem" allows for the absolution of doubt. This is the path to absolute personal accountability. This is salvation.
If you just read this post and are unconvinced, I don't blame you at all. I assure you that I can fill in any hole in your understanding that may exist with logic. My work is nearly complete. Questions will lead us to happiness.
I make these assertions for the purpose of setting the foreground for the explanation of my being. The phenomenon "finding Jesus" is a fact that people throughout the world would die for at this instant. Regardless of whether or not "Jesus," or any of the stories of the Bible have any historic truth, the design of the Jesus stories has the contingencies to lead humanity to salvation. The design allows for the absolution of sin, or as I see it doubt. As children we are born into this world as Jesus was. Free. Our parents, and the people that surround us comprise a system of action whose legacy fills our history. This is a history of personal doubt.
The "Jesus Theorem" allows for the absolution of doubt. This is the path to absolute personal accountability. This is salvation.
If you just read this post and are unconvinced, I don't blame you at all. I assure you that I can fill in any hole in your understanding that may exist with logic. My work is nearly complete. Questions will lead us to happiness.
6.22.2010
Realizing the Masterpiece
It has been done. Complete actualization peers over the horizon with a tremendous smile. Soon, incredible change will ensue.
6.04.2010
Feel the edge of a bowl with your fingers. That feeling transcends adequate labels.
In the past several months I've realized the beginnings of the solution to a problem I've been facing for several years. I haven't put the thought towards it due to many other things in my direct line of attention. Always confused. Always shuffling through the dark spaces, hands searching in earnest for meaning and purpose. So, the question is "what is sin." The exploration of this concept holds tremendous potential in the search of morality, ontology, and most especially and practically daily life. Several times over the past several months during discource I saw the beginnings of a solution to that primal problem. While this post may appear insubstantial and/or naive, and/or petty the problem posed is vital to my search for practical application of my disjunt perception to this apocalyptic world we've constructed.
That may appear to be a grandiose statement, but the absolute objectification of "sin" would give us the ability to construct systems that embody absolved "sin." These systems could be applied in countless ways to every aspect of our lives, but most importantly to our education systems.
Religion isn't my forte, but there are profound truths in religious texts that can be applied to our realities.
That may appear to be a grandiose statement, but the absolute objectification of "sin" would give us the ability to construct systems that embody absolved "sin." These systems could be applied in countless ways to every aspect of our lives, but most importantly to our education systems.
Religion isn't my forte, but there are profound truths in religious texts that can be applied to our realities.
5.27.2010
Essence
Exciting stuff. If you take or have taken a course in philosophy you would have heard the term "essences" tossed about. These were one of the concepts that I could never quiet get my brain wrapped around, until tonight. An essence of any object is its being apart from the logos. This may better be understood by contemplating the space between spoken word, or objectifying an object to the extent of alienation of the perciever.
5.11.2010
My Torture
Logic. I hate Logic. I hate knowing how convoluted everything is. I hate the fact that I'm a perfectionist trapped in the mind of a distracted, dufus. Getting a grip on things is far more challenging to me than it seems to be to everyone else, or maybe I just want things to be perfect. Ahhhh, control. I have to be in control or I feel like I've failed. Failure. A lifetime of percieved failures. I look forward to being content with myself. Unfortunately, that won't happen until I get everything in my life under control, and learn to relinquish control a little. There's always forward movement, though. Even in the lowpoints there's growth. Sometimes the lowpoints instigate greater change. Above all, I'm blessed. Today I can accept that. Questions of, "what happened to us," and "why is she doing this," don't hold my head underwater. Today I can breath. The great mover does provide for those of us with the desire to touch and the love in our hearts.
5.02.2010
Revelation
There's something interesting about revelation. Sometimes the revealed truth is so blantantly obvious that its indiscernible during normal cognition.
I had a memory several nights ago. I was talking to someone about their life and struggles, when I remembered that we choose where we are at this moment. Every single action that we perform is the result of a decision that was willfully made (at some level). Learning yourself is paramount. Learning what motives drive your actions is vital. This is pure accountability. This goal is ridiculously difficult to obtain within the societal structure that we utilize. You are not an island (a valid statement regarding the fact that you are using the internet to read my blog). We are social creatures who must learn to support each other in the pursuit of greater personal accountability.
I had a memory several nights ago. I was talking to someone about their life and struggles, when I remembered that we choose where we are at this moment. Every single action that we perform is the result of a decision that was willfully made (at some level). Learning yourself is paramount. Learning what motives drive your actions is vital. This is pure accountability. This goal is ridiculously difficult to obtain within the societal structure that we utilize. You are not an island (a valid statement regarding the fact that you are using the internet to read my blog). We are social creatures who must learn to support each other in the pursuit of greater personal accountability.
3.31.2010
O
Oh,
There are no corners to cut. There may only be one absolute. The right angle is a contrivance as are all other laws. The truth is movement. Varying degrees of one. Your world is change.
There are no corners to cut. There may only be one absolute. The right angle is a contrivance as are all other laws. The truth is movement. Varying degrees of one. Your world is change.
3.01.2010
When I say
The word "Enshalla" leaves my lips without a trace of irony.
By will the lungs' bounty rides the ribbons of voice.
The sound of a lone songbird offering contrast in the slow drizzle.
Enshalla.
All is as it should be.
There is rest outside these walls of selfhood.
By will the lungs' bounty rides the ribbons of voice.
The sound of a lone songbird offering contrast in the slow drizzle.
Enshalla.
All is as it should be.
There is rest outside these walls of selfhood.
2.16.2010
Crumbcake forest
Hanging in the age of reality creeping in. We seek and search. We clamor for more, more, more. Our daily drama fantasticated by our expressive media is slowly drifting toward what's really going on. We have a thirst for reality. Group dynamics and interaction is becoming a new addiction. We want to see the hidden revealed. We want to see people with their guard down. We thirst for acknowledgement. Give us reality. We've been playing shcarades for too long. This game has cost us dearly. Weary and waking from a deep stupor. The truth is flopping on the ground, gasping for air. We know it's there, we just can't quiet grasp a hold. So.... Let us let the drama unfold.
1.06.2010
Ahhh fooey!
So many influences contribute to my ideas. I still have far more difficulty directing my attention by will than I feel is necessary to be successful at communicating, moreso at life in general. I want to be able to see which sources I should present which will most efficiently present my ideas in a logical and easy, or even flawless fashion. The problem with that is the fact that I'm a reckless learner. Possibly, the problem is that I don't take ideas. When I'm exposed to ideas they influence my thoughts. For example: during my philosophy class last semester, as each philosopher's ideas were presented I was thinking about the mind and logic which created the idea. The idea means nothing at face value. The circumstances behind each idea are a vital constituent to the process of understanding. Through analyzing how the ideas where formed my web of beliefs is stimulated.
Thoughts about soul. The idea "God." Anti-matter. Connectivity, or absolute causality.
I would like to play with some ideas I've been having trouble formulating verbally. The other day I was trying to explain to someone my thoughts about the human condition. Conflict, interperetation of reality, the soul, God. I need to get my philosophy notes so that I can find the most recent sources for my current thoughts. TBC
Thoughts about soul. The idea "God." Anti-matter. Connectivity, or absolute causality.
I would like to play with some ideas I've been having trouble formulating verbally. The other day I was trying to explain to someone my thoughts about the human condition. Conflict, interperetation of reality, the soul, God. I need to get my philosophy notes so that I can find the most recent sources for my current thoughts. TBC
12.14.2009
Wisdom and Knowledge
I didn't really understand Socrates' logic when he said he didn't know anything. I came across this, which I believe shines light on his statement.
"In Phaedrus he (Plato) has Socrates pose a rhetorical question: 'What feature makes writing good, and what inept?' He then declines to give an immediate answer to this question but instead continues:
I can tell you what I've heard the ancients said . . . Among the ancient gods . . . in Egypt there was one to whom the bird called the ibis is sacred. The name of that divinity was Theuth [Thoth, the ancient Egyptian god of wisdom], and it was he who first discovered number and calculation, geometry and astronomy, as well as the games of checkers and dice, and, above all else, writing.
What the ancients said about Thoth, Socrates reports, was that having invented writing he had gone to the god Amon, 'the King of all Egypt at that time', and urged him to introduce it amongst the populace, with these words: 'O King, here is something that, once learned, wil make the Egyptians wiser and will imporve their memory; I have discovered a potion for memory or wisdom.' But Amon replied:
O most expert Theuth, one man can give birth to the elements of an art, but only another can judge how they can benefit or harm those who use them. And now, since you are the father of writing, your affection for it has madeyou describe its effects as the opposite of what they really are. In fact it will introduce forgetfulness into the soul of those who learn it: they will not practise using their memory because they will put their trust in writing, which is external and depends on signs that belong to others, instead of trying to remember from the inside, completely on their own. You have not discovered a potion for remembering but for reminding; you provide your students with the appearance of wisdom, not its reality. Your invention will enable them to hear many things wiithout being properly taught, and they will imagine that they have come to know much while for the most part they will know nothing."
I think the implications of this are immense. In this day and age of deafening data we have lost ourselves in the madness.
Graham Hancock, "Underworld The Mysterious Origins of Civilization." 2002. Three Rivers Press. New York, New York
"In Phaedrus he (Plato) has Socrates pose a rhetorical question: 'What feature makes writing good, and what inept?' He then declines to give an immediate answer to this question but instead continues:
I can tell you what I've heard the ancients said . . . Among the ancient gods . . . in Egypt there was one to whom the bird called the ibis is sacred. The name of that divinity was Theuth [Thoth, the ancient Egyptian god of wisdom], and it was he who first discovered number and calculation, geometry and astronomy, as well as the games of checkers and dice, and, above all else, writing.
What the ancients said about Thoth, Socrates reports, was that having invented writing he had gone to the god Amon, 'the King of all Egypt at that time', and urged him to introduce it amongst the populace, with these words: 'O King, here is something that, once learned, wil make the Egyptians wiser and will imporve their memory; I have discovered a potion for memory or wisdom.' But Amon replied:
O most expert Theuth, one man can give birth to the elements of an art, but only another can judge how they can benefit or harm those who use them. And now, since you are the father of writing, your affection for it has madeyou describe its effects as the opposite of what they really are. In fact it will introduce forgetfulness into the soul of those who learn it: they will not practise using their memory because they will put their trust in writing, which is external and depends on signs that belong to others, instead of trying to remember from the inside, completely on their own. You have not discovered a potion for remembering but for reminding; you provide your students with the appearance of wisdom, not its reality. Your invention will enable them to hear many things wiithout being properly taught, and they will imagine that they have come to know much while for the most part they will know nothing."
I think the implications of this are immense. In this day and age of deafening data we have lost ourselves in the madness.
Graham Hancock, "Underworld The Mysterious Origins of Civilization." 2002. Three Rivers Press. New York, New York
12.10.2009
Art art art, the ribbit cricks.
Life as the highest form of art. I comprehend a consciousness in which art is rendered redundant. This consciousness lay in direct concurrence with a theory I found several years ago. The theory expressed the possibility that our cognition, as a species, went through an evolutionary leap several ions ago. The foundation for this idea was the observation that history speaks of men communicating with the gods. Presently when we study the ancient texts we disregard the possibility that the characters actually interacted with non-organic entities, and mythical creatures. I believe that this interaction with non-real constructs is an indication of a step down on an evolutionary level in our cognition through the filter of the ego. The consciousness that I see as the next evolutionary step is coming and tangible, and as I stated would lend proof to mythological reality. The next step would be one of greater communion with the outside environment and a further detachment from the confines of ego.
These words are meaningless. The world is changing. Your belief in or comprehension of my ideas is of no consequence. None of my ideas are my own. I've been influenced by every great mind and every thing. I am the errand fool. Delivering what will there be
These words are meaningless. The world is changing. Your belief in or comprehension of my ideas is of no consequence. None of my ideas are my own. I've been influenced by every great mind and every thing. I am the errand fool. Delivering what will there be
12.09.2009
The point of this
This morning I was able to complete the task of moving from one side of the sphere to the other (in my mind's eye). These things are so simple, and yet our minds block us. The acceptance of infinity is the first step to this type of activity. Back in fourth grade I had heard that comprehending infinity was impossible, so I thought on it for a while and realized that the acceptance of infinity is the only way to wrap your mind around it. The instant I realized that I went through a change.
This acceptance has tremendous value to us. Being able to accept infinity is like relinquishing willfulness. Being able to roll with any circumstance that life throws at you. Moving effortlessly within conflict. Zen type shit.
This acceptance has tremendous value to us. Being able to accept infinity is like relinquishing willfulness. Being able to roll with any circumstance that life throws at you. Moving effortlessly within conflict. Zen type shit.
12.08.2009
A sphere
Precedence: exercising the perspective both faces of a 2-dimensional cube being the foremost simultaneously, several weeks ago.
I was thinking yesterday that the inside of a sphere and the outside of a sphere can be interchangeable because of infinity. The infinite plane which comprises the sphere's dimension has infinity on either side. I've been exercising my mind by trying to understand how the observer can move from one side to the other. I don't remember clearly, but I think passing through the plane would be like being turned inside out but there would be nothing obvious about this. I don't even know what I mean by being turned inside out, but it would be something like light passing through a lens.
What the hell is the point of this?
I was thinking yesterday that the inside of a sphere and the outside of a sphere can be interchangeable because of infinity. The infinite plane which comprises the sphere's dimension has infinity on either side. I've been exercising my mind by trying to understand how the observer can move from one side to the other. I don't remember clearly, but I think passing through the plane would be like being turned inside out but there would be nothing obvious about this. I don't even know what I mean by being turned inside out, but it would be something like light passing through a lens.
What the hell is the point of this?
12.02.2009
Tossing bones
I've read the manuscript. I know my lines. The pin-prick of absolution began its piercing dance decades ago.
At this point, I stand here with no blanket. Thumb in mouth I have resigned to life. There is no way out, and yet I stand here like an idiot with finger extended. "Not me. It's not mine." Why am I this way? What could possibly be on my mind that I should be afraid to move. What force deflects my intent? What in God's name influences my irresponsibility?
Shallow and callow phrases, based on beheaded desire. I know. The easiest thing in the world is letting go. The Buddha is within us all. Jesus is within us all. The act of being is so fantastically simple that we don't want it. No drama. Conflict of no color or shade is so bland. Why lose our identity when it provides so much texture?
So, I remain where I stood 5 minutes ago. The plans I made with the help of God (be it Spinoza's God) have been written. How am I in the middle of this? How can I let go and begin acting as adults do? I'm so ashamed that I'm such a fool. Shame has chased me through my life. Drawing the desire for a premature end to this charade. I want to find the epicenter of the 2-dimensional cube's face. I want my logical mind to be erased. That logic is only a lie. A trap. A confabulation. Bland
At this point, I stand here with no blanket. Thumb in mouth I have resigned to life. There is no way out, and yet I stand here like an idiot with finger extended. "Not me. It's not mine." Why am I this way? What could possibly be on my mind that I should be afraid to move. What force deflects my intent? What in God's name influences my irresponsibility?
Shallow and callow phrases, based on beheaded desire. I know. The easiest thing in the world is letting go. The Buddha is within us all. Jesus is within us all. The act of being is so fantastically simple that we don't want it. No drama. Conflict of no color or shade is so bland. Why lose our identity when it provides so much texture?
So, I remain where I stood 5 minutes ago. The plans I made with the help of God (be it Spinoza's God) have been written. How am I in the middle of this? How can I let go and begin acting as adults do? I'm so ashamed that I'm such a fool. Shame has chased me through my life. Drawing the desire for a premature end to this charade. I want to find the epicenter of the 2-dimensional cube's face. I want my logical mind to be erased. That logic is only a lie. A trap. A confabulation. Bland
11.12.2009
बेकाउसे
Infinite because
every moment is
every thought
every reflection
echoes
and memories
Are
Now.
If there was any one thing
there would be
and
there is
through me.
every moment is
every thought
every reflection
echoes
and memories
Are
Now.
If there was any one thing
there would be
and
there is
through me.
11.09.2009
11.05.2009
Mountain Song
Anecdotal p-funk era. Cre-written. Plastorable genie.
From the corner of my eye I caught the sprinklers come on and the squirrel startle. His dash for the great oak's trunk made me chuckle. As I noticed him stall to look back I noticed the bushes rustle. It was his fellow's turn to make the dash to the tree. His friend was obviously a novice of UH squirrel affairs. Unafraid of the water, but faced with a serious task the squirrel put it's head down and stoically braved the uncomfortable path to the tree. So much character to be had in only several seconds.
From the corner of my eye I caught the sprinklers come on and the squirrel startle. His dash for the great oak's trunk made me chuckle. As I noticed him stall to look back I noticed the bushes rustle. It was his fellow's turn to make the dash to the tree. His friend was obviously a novice of UH squirrel affairs. Unafraid of the water, but faced with a serious task the squirrel put it's head down and stoically braved the uncomfortable path to the tree. So much character to be had in only several seconds.
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